Love or Desire?
by leesky
Summary: OLD Ryou tries to figure out his feelings for Bakura. Does Bakura feel the same way? Oneshot. Yaoi. Pairings: Bakura x Ryou and hints of Marik x Malik


**Lee: Wahey! I finally joined Fanfiction! Whoop whoop! #does jig#**

**Ryou: Yay!**

**Bakura: Oh _great,_ she's never gonna shut up.**

**Lee: Don't be silly. - **

Disclaimer: I Don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, or any of it's characters or really anything !!!! Aaaw damn!

**Bakura: Ha! That's a relief for-**

**Lee: Shut up or I'll make you a submissive character. ¬.¬ Isn't that right, Ryou?**

**Ryou: Erm… #blushes#**

**Lee: Oh and I'd like to remind you that this story has no plot- whatsoever- and really came off the top of my dumb-ass head**

**Bakura: You can say that again. **

Ryou's POV

Bakura has never been this late home before. It's already three-thirty. I know I shouldn't be, but I'm worried. I'm sat against his favourite window's wall, my knees up to my chest and fiddling with his glass Dark Nechrophia. It's his favourite ornament, a clear, thin, hollow object shaped like the body of his best duel monster. It's normally located on the windowsill where he sits, however it fell off due to my obtuse sense of cleaning. I'm stupid. And pathetic. Like Bakura tells me. He is right, I am weak. All I get from him is snide comments about how girly I am because of my long, white locks and my vast brown eyes, however he _is_ my complete mirror- being my ex-alter-ego- apart from a few minor distinctions. My hair is straighter, softer, more well-kept, his is normally dirty and wild. His canine teeth are irregularly large; he is taller than me and muscular. His body and stance give off a significant gesture of slyness and temptation; his eyes are usually full of mischief or malevolence, whereas mine- he says- are sincere and innocent. That's his favourite nickname for me. His 'Innocent Little Hikari.' All these differences between us go right down, advancing beyond the inquisitive eye. He is confident, ready for a fight; I am shy, weak and always defenceless. He never forgets to rub in my timidity, along with the bluffing of his self-security. These rub-ins are normally just criticism, but if the time is right and his temper is high, I may receive a slap to the face, or a kick to the shins. Sometimes I cry, sometimes I scream and yet… and yet I still wait up for him when he goes out at night with Marik. Just so I can make sure he is safe, to clean up any wounds he may have acquired, to put him to bed properly, to watch him sleep, to tell him I love him without him actually knowing it. If he ever did acknowledge me saying that, he'd probably forget by morning anyway. The alcohol always deters his thoughts, his worries and his inhibitions and in the morning, the night before was like a dream- or a nightmare, I guess- that never happened.

But now I'm really anxious. He normally drinks so fast and gets intoxicated that he comes home by twelve, and it's now almost four in the morning. Maybe he got jumped by The Gang? The Gang are higher up in my school, and almost everyday at home-time they will follow me. Sometimes they just throw spiteful comments at me, bearing in mind I am used to living with Bakura, but often they will hit me and throw me to the ground. They will kick me and make me bleed and weary. The first time it happened, an old lady found me and managed to wake me up. I said I was fine, though she insisted I'd go back to hers and she'd clean me up. So she did, and I was late back home to Bakura. He was cross, but saw the abrasions what the old lady had not managed to clear up. I had almost collapsed on the way home and by the time I was in the doorway I blacked out. I didn't know what happened from then on until I woke up tucked in my bed, like my mother used to do for me. I asked Bakura then next morning what had happened but he just told me what I already knew.

The Gang didn't stop hurting me, apart from one week. One pure harmonious week. One week they completely left me alone, but gave me apprehensive looks every time they saw me. But then the gang grew bigger, with three more participants. So the bullying started again. One time they had just knocked me over and then they told me that I 'wouldn't be able to call my look-alike boyfriend for any help,' I knew they meant Bakura. I said nothing, even though thousands of questions were pumping through my mind. It was like a rush of emotions blowing through me like a wave in the sea. He had tried to help me? Had they hurt him? Had he not succeeded? Why did he help? Could my feelings for him be returned? Why weren't the gang afraid of him? When they had finished their rampage upon me I found the strength to run home, not pausing at the strange looks people were giving me. I had to see if Bakura was alright! I had rushed in the door to find him sat in his usual place in our home. We had a large window in our lounge that was set seven feet up and had a large windowsill. It looked out onto our garden and the streets, but you couldn't see in and it wouldn't open. Bakura had a habit of climbing the wall and sitting on the windowsill with one leg or ankle off the edge. I had run in with such energy he had looked at me, surprise inscribed all over his features. I tripped over a small table and collapsed onto the floor with a yelp for my bruises and sores. Salty tears welled up in my eyes and trickled down my cheeks, mixing with my crimson stream. When Bakura looked down at me, I had seen cuts upon his forehead. Why hadn't I noticed them before? He had tried to help me- save me- from The Gang. With his own body, he had tried to prevent this from happening. He probably didn't tell me because he thought he had failed, but I didn't think that way. He hadn't really helped, the gang still caused me mountains upon mountains of pain, but that was all relieved with the thought of Bakura. He had _felt_ something for me. He must have! Or- or maybe he was just protecting his Host?

He'd let himself down from the windowsill and turned me over where I laid. His hand rested under my neck, the other unbuttoning my collar to see more injuries on my chest. His face showed no sympathy, just hatred. He wiped my bangs out of my face only to obtain blood soaked hands. My world went dizzy, oxygen was hard to inhale and my body reeked of grief. But everything was okay. I was in Bakura's arms now. I was okay. I, even in my throbbing state, actually remember looking into his burning dusty eyes, before closing mine and giving in to weariness.

Did I just hear the door?

" " Bakura? Was he back? I quickly put the Necrophia back in its landing place and ran to the front door. Yes, Bakura was back. He had just fallen over the breakfast table's chair. You'd think living here for ages- ever since we gained our own solid bodies- would put some memory of where the objects were in the house to his brain. I went to help him up, and when I took hold of one of his arms firmly he acknowledged I was there and who I actually was. "Ryou?" he said groggily as I hoisted him up with much effort.

"Yes, Bakura." As soon as I replied, he seemed to gain some vigour and stood up as steady as he could, holding my shoulders for support. I looked him in the eye, wondering why he hadn't collapsed yet. We stood there for a few moments while he seemed to be composing himself, his breath slow and wheezy, and his eyelids half closed. "Bakura, I should get you to bed-"

"-Hick-" Bakura's head jerked forward dangerously and I put my hands on his shoulders to balance him.

"Come on, Bakura-" I let him lean his weight against me and led him upstairs to his bedroom. He looked like he was on a different planet, so I removed his shirt with ease and couldn't help but savour the feeling of his bare skin leaning upon me and brushing against my palms. I took his belt off, but left the trousers because if he woke up without them, I was sure to get a whacking off him. He didn't feel that way about me. I removed the covers, pushed him over and tucked him in bed. I sat next to him for a while, unable to leave his side. Just staring and relishing the fact I was in his bedroom without him complaining. I sighed and half-heartedly made my way to my bedroom. I walked to my dressing table and stood, watching myself in the mirror. This was normally the closest I could get to Bakura. I began combing my long hair, strands at a time. It was so thick I could get hundreds of knots just by shaking my head. I finished this and went to my bathroom to wash my face. I quickly splashed some water over it and then looked in the mirror there too. I saw my bedroom door and something stir inside, but I left it to my imagination. My imagination was always overreacting. And my brain. My brain went fuzzy at the sight of Bakura, or something close to it, and so did my heart. There were too many mirrors in this house.

I took off my belt and threw it in the wash basket, along with my shirt and jeans. I took off my shoes and placed them behind the door. I then went back into my bedroom and nearly screamed when Bakura grabbed me from behind. His hands ran over my shoulders and slid down my chest, "Hush," he said huskily, nibbling my ear. My heart raced and my eyes bulged as I felt every inch of his body behind mine. I could feel his breath and cheek against my neck, his chest, his groin and his legs, all behind me. "B-Bakura…what…p-please-" My head lolled back and a gasp initiated from my lips as he took hold of my arms and span me round, forcing his groin into mine and imprisoning my lips with his. His hands caressed my back, as he took steps forward until I fell back upon my bed. I couldn't say no, I couldn't stop him. My body wouldn't let me. My heart was stretching with every touch he offered and every time I accepted. I lay beneath him, sometimes writhing if a sensation took hold of me, or catching my breath whenever his lips captured mine. "Hikari," he whispered menacingly, his fingertips at the very top of my underpants, "You want this more than I do." He rubbed our groins together again, but harder. He kissed me again, but forcefully. He unzipped his jeans and wiggled out of them while I lay, unable to move from shock. He came back and I realised he had no underpants on. I blushed so hard I knew I looked even more tempting to him. His face levelled with mine and he smirked, while wiggling me out of my underpants. He kissed me again, this time I kissed back. I moved my hands from my sides and pulled him closer. He was not heavy because he now leant on his arms which were placed either side of my head, while he kissed my neck, my collar bone, my chest and then back up. My hands rested lightly on his hips, unmoving, while my voice seemed to have given up on me and I could only give out piercing squeals and yelps. He rubbed his groin against mine severely and bared his teeth at me as my nails dug deep into his hips, "Pain comes before pleasure," he growled and spontaneously drove into me. I cried out in pain, my voice returning fully and all my muscles locking. I held onto Bakura's hips securely, so hard I was almost pushing him away. My hips shuddered and I bit my lip as he did it again and again. I became hot and clammy sweat stuck to my forehead and torso. Bakura was breathing hard above me and I opened my eyes to see him biting his lip also. I knew he was going to salvage everything he could from me, so he pulled me by the hips down hard onto him and at the same time he thrust upwards, this resulted in him going further into me than even I thought achievable. I moaned, my heart was still beating like a rocket and suddenly I felt Bakura's heart pumping along with it, as well as all of Bakura's weight on my chest. His head buried into my long, now very knotty hair and my legs buckled around him. My hands slid off his sides and onto the bed, his hands rested on each side of me. I could hear his breath in my ear, now a low but steady pant. I knew he was asleep.

I saw the clock turn seven until I finally closed my eyes, only to be woken by nine by Bakura sitting up on me and nipping my arms. He looked wide-awake, so I was guessing he had been awake quite a while, "Wake up, lazy," he said, sneering as he saw my face redden. I pulled more of my body from beneath him so I could sit up and lean back on my arms. I looked into his eyes that had changed last night to now, from passion to mischief. He leaned forward so his face was a centimetre away from mine, leaning on his arms that were on either side of me, "You won't be able to walk today." He pleased himself by pinching my lips with his then jumping off me and picking up his trousers. He gave me one last look, which was a look of satisfaction, before leaving my bedroom and tottering off down the landing to his, slamming the door. Yes. He had gotten what he wanted. Perhaps normally he had a one night stand when he was out drinking, and for some reason he hadn't acquired one last night- so he decided to fulfil his need of sex on me? Woman, male, all the same right? Pah. I felt dirty. I had given in to him, given him admittance for use of me further. I sat on my bed, my dirty bed, contemplating it all. I blamed myself. I was stupid. Weak. And now vulnerable. Not that I wasn't before. I let myself off one hook by telling myself that even if I had tried, I probably would have failed in fighting a drunken Bakura. But that just made me feel even weaker. Then, it would have been . uld I call it rape now? No, there was no chance. I had kissed Bakura back, moaned at the wonderful sensations I had experienced. I had… participated, even if Bakura did dominate. I was still a part of it, even if it was the exploited part. I wondered what would happen between us now…

All in all, Bakura was right _again_. I tried to stand up off of my bed, but sharp pains took hold in places I didn't even know existed, not to mention hurt. I plummeted to my bedroom floor with a smack of my face. I squealed. I squealed too loud. I heard Bakura coming out of his bedroom again and pacing down the landing to the doorway. He stood there, watching me but not even considering to help me up. "Marik and Malik are coming today." He smirked, "You best get a shower and clean yourself up and start walking. I expect something to eat within the hour," I closed my eyes again as he left the room.

Bakura's POV 

"MARIK!!" Malik screeched as he was pushed off the large windowsill, that now only Marik and I sat on. Ryou helped the fallen Malik up, a false smile annexing his lips, "Are you ok?" He said in his weak, wretched, gentle voice. I knew that the pain Malik was feeling could not match Ryou's. His legs and spine would ache, giving him sharp pains. Only I noticed, Malik and Marik seemed too wrapped up in each other. Contemptible light-dark relationship. At one point Ryou's back completely seized up, but he kept back the tears and tried not to make a sound. He saw me watching him as he helped Malik up, but his gaze disappeared within the moment.

"Go play," said Marik spitefully to our lights.

Malik folded his arms crossly, "Why? What are you going to do with Bakura?" Ryou stood next to Malik, his glance sticking to everything but me and Marik. His eyes gave off so much information about him- like windows to his heart- it was pathetic. Even when he smiled for his friends- that vile pipsqueak Yugi and the rest- the smile never quite reached his eyes. When he laughed, which was rarely, his eyes still seemed distant. The only time his eyes show anything different but sadness, was when… he was with me. More recently I discovered when I touch him, his eyes went crazy!

"You just thought you'd go crying out to get some sympathy off them didn't you?" I said, I don't know why I took this complaint on. Ryou hadn't really made a muff. Malik and Marik didn't notice anything. But I had to keep dominance! "Didn't you?" I pushed Ryou over on the lounge floor before repeating it, which caused Ryou to yelp. He didn't move from where he fell, probably afraid of being pushed again, or kicked back. Too right. I mounted his waist and he flinched, probably from pain not fear, "Do you hurt, Ryou?" I asked, pushing up his stripy blue top to reveal his skinny stomach. Too skinny. I always told him to eat more. He might as well be anorexic. **(Lee: No offence to any anorexic people)** I ran my hands over it again and again, relishing the smoothness of his skin and the way every time I touch him, his skin- his essence- seemed to flutter. I grinned, absorbed in the work. Ryou's loud sniffle awoke me. "Still crying?" I leant up over him, me on my hands and knees and him just laid flat. He said nothing. Always so quiet. Anxiety shone in his eyes now, my voice raucous. I breathed over his mouth, ever so close but not quite there. I knew it! Ryou's sobs faded away and no matter how much he tried to hide it, longing was there in his eyes. I could feel it leak from his body. I knew it! I felt him kiss me back last night, I felt him pull me closer. I may have been drunk, but they say big events turn you clear-headed. I couldn't remember getting out of bed last night, or entering Ryou's room, but as soon as I touched him, heard him gasp, I was sober. I was sober and knew everything I was thinking, hearing and feeling. Ryou's little body beneath me, his moans and his- limited- actions all made me come alive. It was scary what a little puny drone could do to my desires. I knew his body ached for mine- quite right too- but I realised mine did the same for his. Damn these cravings!

Damn them!

**Lee: I'm a little girl at heart. 0.o Honest! I'm contemplating on whether to leave this cliff-hanger for the end. I don't know though. Reviews are welcome!! I like criticism too it _improves _me:D**

**Bakura: You're writing, Lily, you're writing. It improves you're _writing._**

**Lee: Right. Oh and sorry if you're a Malik/Marik fan… I had to include them because they rock. But the writing isn't about them. I apologize. Deeply. - Oh and-**

**Bakura: What the hell is it _now? _Can't you just _leave _already? They don't like you! They want me!**

**Lee: Bakura. I am hurt. _Anyway_, I was going to say that Malik didn't get hurt that much. lol It was stupid of me to let Marik push him off a windowsill but then I remembered how Marik is meant to be _evil_ and _insane_.**

**Marik: I'll show you INSANE!!**

**Lee: Eek! #legs it#**


End file.
